1. There is a reason your acne medication isn’t working. You don’t have acne.

2. Outright fabrication results, therefore, in a famous fellow.

3. It’s not what you know, it’s mind boggling

4. Nothing means you’re a chick, but rather a horse.

5. Consider puffery and self-congratulation.

6. Buxom wenches, scruffy peasants, hooded executioners... be the Renaissance Fair!

7. Grow a beard and grow it two hairs at a time.

8. It’s because you might be dumb.

9. You’re not dumb, you’re just a blob of skeet and bones. And there lies your problem!

10. One man’s hustle is another man’s bulbous root.

11. The habitual manner in which each player positions the ball. Just knock it off!

12. When you see sweat gland activity, take heart. Arise.

13. A watched boil never thinks.

14. Lie, be still my sweet, your nostril is very venus to me.

15. Congratulations, you’ve got nothing left in your stomach.

16. That old man whose window you broke can’t feel his thigh for a second.

17. Jack beats a queen, which one?

18. The bloodless coup defines you.

19.  Think like a devil and not forever.

20. Pass no judgment off the El Caminos!

21. Embrace the notion of explosive bowel syndrome. Bravo!

22. Eight is nowhere near enough.

23. Maybe $19.95 a year!

24. Paper, rock scissors… hold tight the mouse’s teat.

25. Say to yourself “my left leg is warm and my right one smells like pee.”

26. When you find your thoughts intruding go for the throat.

27. Belly breathing is a hand ball waiting to happen.

28. A French quarter isn’t worth the doll hair it’s printed on.

29. Gazpacho as long as it takes.

30. Think your lung’s black? Put a blanket on it and keep it warm.

31. That dry taste in your mouth is the afterbirth of you being born, just now in private.

32. If what you’re doing isn’t working! Take another DNA sample

33. Listen to Ronny James Dio once, shame on me. Listen to Ronny James once, twice, three times a lady.

34. Consider the year 1979.

35. Wake up loofa pans in the dead of night. Arise!

36. Swarm and destroy by thanksgiving

37. Eat, eat, eat it non-fungible.

38. A place is sense not made.

39. Friday… feeling sick. Go!

40. Take not no for answer, tackle it with your legs and crunch, crunch, crunch it.

41. Beg, borrow, steal. Excite.

42. Cocktails? Do over!

43. Wear your Wesely Snipes.

44. First punch yourself.

45. You’ll never be a petite cadet, so even try it anyway.

46. Will that circling vulture have its way with you? One cannot be sure.

47. Talent helps but it won’t take you as far as the grotesque hunger.

48. Wednesday, Thursday. Eating too much.

49. A poisonous brew of pessimism please.

50.  Why not call it a “twisted randy?” Because that’s what it is.

51. “Astounding” is an appropriate word to describe someone who’s not afraid to call themselves a fat sack of failure.

52. Rip, torn and silly. Steak first then yank the slots.

53. Get ready so that the possible future of a car crash and a dead dear do not drive you mad with envy.

54. Success is not the result of Harry Emerson Fosdick. They leave skid marks!

55. Remarkable states of crush bog down.

56. Don’t see things as they are, see them as they might have been if you weren’t about to eat some grass.

57. YZ80 is easy off the waterbed.

58. Make a Billy Jack only drier.

59.  If god wanted us to spruce up our colons we would have been born with an elaborate system of tubes and suck pumps.

60. Strive to win the the Parapsychological Association’s outstanding career award